Neurotic Girls Need Different Email Settings.

When in an argument with my 6 year old daughters father, he made her call me to ask what time she would be picked up or if she should be dropped off after a winter camp (highly illegal, and furthermore just highly irresponsible for an adult to put a 6 year old in the position of relaying information regarding her own care). Normal girls would politely send a curt email: I know it to be highly illegal and furthermore find it just highly irresponsibly for for an adult to put a 6 year old in the position of relaying information regarding her own care.

And that's good for Normal girls. I am not a normal girl, however... I am a neurotic girl. What I will do is write a 7 page 'request' that he attempt being less of a smarmy little toad of a thing, that I have always felt that perhaps the worst decision I have ever made as a parent was to let him know I was having a child ( perhaps true, but not particularly needing email documentation or any mention whatsoever), and so on and so on and so on. He's shorter than me, which maybe came up, as well as teenage girls who were hooked up with in Vienna when I was pregnant, the absurdities involved in his general parenting policies on his alternating weekends and holidays, and maybe some psychoanalysis based on information revealed to me by his mother about how long he nursed as a child.

When I meet a boy I'm surprisingly taken with and things are going unusually well with (He doesn't show up in a fur coat at 9 in the morning, he doesn't stick his tongue in my ear 20 minutes into our first date, he doesn't delete me from his social networking site after my first out of the blue neurotic email, and I'm not met with a bizarre compulsion to reject further date requests because I am somewhat taken with him: Yes, these are the things I consider going unusually well-- as stated: I am not a normal girl, I am a neurotic one), I'm not just going to leave that alone and continue going on and enjoying dates like normal girls. . Most normal girls are likely to say "Well, this is great!" and enjoy the nature of such things. There is probably no emailing to be had about it at all. This girl, however, is going to send a 4 paragraph babble about drastic differences between said lovely man and herself that clearly he absolutely hasn't noticed and in fairness she should really clue him into this second, right now, immediately before he makes some dire mistake regarding mix CDs or further dates or whatever other curious things don't particularly concern normal girls out of the clear blue sky.

What I need is a different set of email tabs.

I need 'compose mail', 'rant' and 'panic' (which also has an auto-correct 'babble' mode for run on sentences). I need delayed sending tools that activate after a quick blood pressure, heart rate, or pulse check. I need an email account that won't even let me into it until I have blown into a balloon attached to my computer that will immediately lock my keys if any Creme Brulee ice cream or the slightest indication of Swiss cake roll is detected. And above else, I need a simple unsend tab.

Until I have all of this, I need a box of Swiss Cake Rolls... stat. Because there is no unsend button, there are emails floating around waiting to be read that I can do nothing about, and the neurotic demon that writes them inside of me is hungry. My hope is that if I feed it, it will take a nap and I can at least start drafting my retraction emails with some degree of peace.