Well I guess that's what I get.

That poor Lindsey Lohan girl has her personal life leaked out all over the internet, and on a too grey snowy day (first day of spring my ankle, this is absurd.), what do I do but go immediately to youporn to heckle her misfortune?

And it's no wonder that the first thing I see is a curly alburn haired girl in a rather embarassing position...poor thing, she probably doesn't know she's being filmed, just a regular girl...who looks...a little like...ME!?

So I'm frantic, when did this happen, why won't she..I..this girl...turn their head around? Is that my eyebrow? Do I have that mole in my shoulder? Is that the same shoulder?

And wow--is it really such a bony shoulder? This must be from my no red meat days, right?

Franticly, I'm pounding the enter key down on the report button, only to see that it is not to report, but rather to rank. And what's more...I'm not ranking myself very well. Beyond that, I wasn't really doing that good to start if you must know. Seriously? 1.9 out of five average? REALLY. Gold sheets, that must, must be worth an extra point in the ranking system alone...though...why would I EVER find myself in such a situation with someone who had gold sheets?

For the second time in under 2 minutes I jumped frantically into action, but this time inwardly--wracking my brain trying to think of any and every past 'gentleman' in my life that ever had gold sheets, that would ever hate me enough to do this, that would make a video like this without my permission to begin with.

Even with shoulders like that...no one deserves this.

At which point, I noticed something that made me want to cry out with joy...those were not my bony shoulders. They didn't have a generic Mandarin charachter for "friend" on them in solid black ink. And what's more, they didn't have the giant mole on the other side of their shoulder (that I'm probably glad I didn't have to see...it's really about time to get that bad boy sliced off and inspected, I know). And, while I've had that mole for as long as I can remember, I got that tattoo when I was 18. Meaning, before anyone I had ever met had a digital camera (which is what it's recorded with).

Ahhh. That was a close one.

So, as an adult with things like that long behind me (at least so far, but just you wait until the next celebrity porn comes out and I find myself looking upon what I believe to be my own back and profile all over again next month), I turned off the youporn, checked my email, paid my phone-bill online, and came to blog this. But not before, mind you, watching this clip one more time on a friday before noon, in order to rate it very highly a couple more times...because, that back belongs to someone, and when she finds it--well, I know how bad she could feel.

And what's more, I'm no longer looking for Ms. Lohans own laps in judgement either, for much the same reason.