Dating and the 30 year old woman

I have found out in the past year that there are myriad ways to ask out a 30 year old woman, ways I would never have imagined could be mistaken for appropriate. Ways that until this past year, I don't know that anyone else did find appropriate. I am not sure if it is that I am 30 and with a child that allows general convention slip... 'that one, she's lucky to be asked out at all, no need to exhaust my A game here', or if I'm putting out some sort of a vibe myself-- somehow what I am wearing or standing or speaking or looking across the grocery store (or taxi) at them is different than last year, somehow it is saying that no no, I don't want the normal rules of social respect to apply to me. I'm beyond them... we're beyond them.

Some of those ways have included, but are not limited to:

-Giving me a call later, since I gave you your number... you know... via the taxi dispatch I called to hire you. To drive me, in your taxi. I mean, of course you're going to call me-- what else could that have meant?

-Following me around the grocery store after catching me dancing to the Rolling Stones in the frozen foods aisle I mistook for empty, "You like the stones though!" being the protest when I say I don't date. That, and following me further through the store to reason with me. I can see the moments after attack in the parking lot... "She was asking for it, just look what she was dancing to!"

- Introducing yourself as Tony Rice (who it so happens you really are-- and who it so happens I have never heard of) before attempting to dry-hump my leg to bad Karaoke at the bowling alley bar. Which may not have counted as asking me on a date... but may well have counted as an actual date.

-Telling me that my low self esteem is really unattractive and if I don't decide to be less shallow there's nothing else you can say to me (in fairness, this was in response not to a rejected date offer so much as a rejected booty call with the excuse that I'm tired and look like shit, so don't feel like a late night coffee guest-- I may be a little lame, but I'm not a complete fucking idiot, KJ.)

-Telling me that I'm scared of getting close because I don't think I deserve to be happy: But I do. I deserve to be happy with you. And while I thank you for your several follow up speculations on my clear social issues (as found blatantly on my Facebook posts), no, no... actually I still think it was a good idea not to go out with you a second time.

-The old 'Play Date/ Actual Date' switcheroo. Exactly what it sounds like, that one.

-Following me home from a walk with my daughter, then sometimes being on my porch when I get home and leaving before I get to the door. And once knocking at my door. And then coming back to my porch several more times and just standing there looking down until eventually I call the police... 2 times in a row. And not even bringing flowers.

The reason I'm fixated on this bad run is because recently a friend from my teenage years asked if I wanted to have coffee and catch up. Which sounds lovely, be it a date or not. But, being the 30 year old woman on the receiving end of these nightmare one sided love connections, I found myself hopping very quickly from 'Oh, that will be fun' to 'So wait, what does he think this is? Is this going to get creepy' to 'Maybe I should have some mace'. And he's kind of cute, and if I remember correctly he's sort of smart and funny as well. And maybe it will be a date (and quite honestly I am thinking that it probably is not). But in the long run, it sounds nice either way--what it comes down to is 'who gives a fuck, as long as he doesn't potentially keep human body parts in his basement'.

And, that's where I'm at. Coffee has become much more-- it has become not the potential for love and a future, bridesmaids selected and all of my unborn children being named before the coffee comes out like it may for some over-thinking neurotic girls in the dating world. No, for me it has the potential to need to change not my last name, but my phone number, locks, and maybe social security number. My desperation is not to get a date or have a future...

It is simply not to have to call the police at any point during the courtship process, least of all before exchanging names, that has become the challenge.